Comparisonitis is the thief of joy
Written by Jazz Kostov, Mum, Midwife, Baby and Toddler Sleep Consultant and Founder of Let’s Sleep.
As parents, especially in those early, sleep-deprived days, it's natural to seek answers. You might turn to facebook groups, google, or friends with kids, hoping for a quick solution to your baby's sleep struggles. While we're fortunate to live in a digital world where answers are just a few clicks away, the downside is often the conflicting advice you'll find. One mum swears by co-sleeping, while another tells you that sleep training is the only way. The more advice you get, the more overwhelmed you feel. What started as a search for help can leave you more confused than ever!
The Comparison Trap
Along with all that advice, there's also the inevitable comparisons. It’s easy to fall into the trap of measuring your baby’s sleep patterns against other babies. You may wonder, "Why is my baby still waking up at night when my friend's baby sleeps through?" or "Why doesn't our routine look like theirs?"
This habit of comparing, often referred to as "comparisonitis," can lead to feelings of inadequacy, frustration, and even guilt. You might start believing that because your little one's sleep doesn't mirror another's, you're doing something wrong. These negative thoughts can zap your mental energy, lower your self-worth, and impact the joy of parenting.
But here’s the truth: comparing your baby’s sleep to other children’s isn’t just unhelpful—it’s distracting. It pulls your focus away from what’s really important: what works best for you and your family.
No One-Size-Fits-All for Sleep
Take a look at different families and you’ll quickly see how varied their approaches to sleep are. One family might co-sleep with their 6-month-old and 3-year-old, follow flexible awake windows during the day, and have no set bedtime routine. Their kids go to sleep at 9:30 p.m. and wake up at 5:30 a.m. Does it work for them? Yes! But would it work for you? Maybe not.
For you, that kind of schedule could mean less alone time with your partner, missing your favourite early morning workout, or feeling more sleep-deprived and anxious. And that’s okay. Every family is different, and every baby’s sleep journey is unique.
Finding What Works for You
My goal as a sleep consultant isn’t to give you a cookie-cutter solution or tell you what worked for another family. Instead, I want to empower you to make informed choices that align with your family’s values, lifestyle, and needs.
If you find yourself caught in the comparison cycle, it might be time to step back from social media and those late-night google searches. Instead, take a moment to reflect on your own family’s situation and ask yourself a few key questions:
What’s working well for us right now?
What’s not working so well?
What practical steps can we take to improve our current sleep situation?
Get out an old school pen and paper and take some time to think about your answers to these questions. You might just surprise yourself with the answers.
By focusing on your own family’s journey, you’ll feel more confident in your choices and less weighed down by how others are doing things. Sleep isn’t one-size-fits-all, and neither is parenting. Trust in your instincts and know that it’s okay to approach sleep in a way that supports your unique family dynamics.
Parenting comes with enough challenges. Don’t let the added pressure of comparison steal your joy or make you doubt yourself. Embrace the fact that every family is different and focus on what works best for you. After all, the goal is not to follow someone else's path but to find the one that leads to peace, balance, and well-rested nights for your family.
You’ve got this!
Need a little more help?
Book a FREE 15-minute chat with me to discuss your little one’s sleep and explore which sleep support package might suit your family best. Let's work together to find a solution that ensures restful sleep for both your baby and you.
Want to hear from a family that I have personally helped with sleep? Listen to Sarah and Matt’s episode of The Let’s Sleep Podcast.